There is no such thing as "unconditional love". To believe you can love someone unconditionally is to believe there is absolutely nothing they could ever do that you couldn't forgive. Using a little imagination, I'm sure anyone can come up with a few unforgivable acts that even your kids could, (but probably would never), do.
I believe all love has at least one condition that, because of how I define love, is built in. That condition is choice. I will love someone until I choose not to. Now, we might choose to love for some very dubious reasons, (guilt and fear are a couple), but the bottom line is, it's still our choice. This dispels another myth. That we have no control over who we love. That's nonsense. We might not have any control over who we're attracted to, or lust after, but that's not love.
How do I define love? First off, it's not lust, or attraction, something easily confused with love, especially by the young. Love isn't a feeling, a condition, or a state of mind. It's not even a noun... it's a verb, and an action verb at that. It is not so much about how you feel, but how you act. If you choose to love someone, and you don't show it by your actions, then it doesn't exist. If you've ever had someone say they love you, and didn't do it, you know exactly what I mean. Love is always something we do, or is done to us... by choice.
Everyone you choose to love, for the most part, you'll love the best you can. Everyone who chooses to love you, for the most part, will love you the best they can. Unfortunately, it will never be exactly what is wanted, needed, or expected. In some cases, it will be precisely the opposite. Now it can come close, (real close), but it will never be perfect. Everyone requires different degrees and amounts of honesty, affection, communication, trust, attention, time together, sex... the list is an infinite and unique blend for each individual. Don't hold it against someone if their love just doesn't work for your particular mix of wants, needs, and expectations, or if your love doesn't work for theirs. It's not anyone's fault. Rest assured though, that there is someone out there who it will work for.
Let's clear up another myth about love, and relationships in general. It's been said that it takes a lot of work to develop, maintain and keep a good, healthy relationship. That's a lie. Our best relationships, the really great ones, actually require very little effort. They are healthy and work well because both parties' wants, needs, and expectations are naturally, almost automatically being fulfilled . The work you hear so much about, is required when the match isn't right. We try to change, or we need them to change and with effort, it's possible... but only for a short time, and then, sadly, the cycle is repeated. The work never ends in bad relationships, and never begins in good ones. Relationships are kind of like shoes, they either fit or they don't.
I love the last paragraph. I feel our relationship requires little effort and that's okay. We can go extended periods without much communication and when we do talk, it's like no time has passed at all. I know you love me, as I do you, a choice well worth making. It's about as close to "unconditional" as you can get.
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